MLB - Medicinal League Baseball

Cytra-K: the latest supplement to be added to my regimen by my team of doctors. It is intended to increase my citrate level, if I'm not mistaken, which has a correlation to kidney stones. That is, low citrate levels are related to a higher probability of developing kidney stones. Naturally, taking this makes sense. I take 1 mL of the liquid four times daily. After three meals and before bed. It smells like cough syrup, it tastes like I imagine the water in Satan's tap tastes. It is rough. I fill the medicine cup thing two-thirds of the way up with a mixture of the medicine and cold water, and I have a glass of cold water ready to drink and the tap running. I make a toast to somebody (family, short-gutters, American soldiers, etc.) and go bottoms-up. It's probably not as bad as I make it out to be, but it is tough. And having to do it four times everyday makes it worse. But I guess I don't have much of a choice. And it's certainly better than the alternative (kidney stones).

This is just the most recent supplement called upon by my docs. Going with the baseball metaphor that I mentioned last time, that would make me the manager of the team. My doctors at the Cleveland Clinic would be the General Manager (and assistants). My mom I will call the trainer. Short-gut and SIBO are the opponents, and my supplements are the players. So here's the line-up.

1 - Loperamide, CF

2 - Tums, RF

3 - Calcium, 1B

4 - VSL#3, C

5 - Chewable Children's Multi-vitamin, DH

6 - Gas-X, SS

7 - Chromium, 2B

8 - Cytra-K, LF

9 - Glutamine, 3B

And now the justification. Loperamide (nicknamed Lope; baseball players and fans love nicknames) is the all-around best player on the team: the cornerstone, if you will. Without its bat to lead-off the game the offense never gets started (it's the first pill I take in the morning), and its amazing plays in the outfield prevent the opponent from getting any sustained rallies (it's the generic for Imodium - I don't think I need to explain what a "sustained rally" is). Tums is one of the most underrated players. When the opponent gets a liner to the right field corner Tums comes up with the big arm to gun down the runner. A Rocky Colavito-like arm puts fear into all batters attempting to stretch a single to a double or double to a triple (Tums does the trick for quick-hitting stomach aches). Tums also prevents stomach aches when I take it right after meals that may potentially cause discomfort. Loperamide gets it going, Tums moves it over.

Calcium is a solid defensive first baseman. It prevents a lot of potential kidney stones from even getting started, which is kind of a big deal. But the clean-up hitter is the one that does the most damage. VSL#3 clobbers anything thrown over the plate by the opposition (VSL#3 helped the team put up 22 runs against SIBO last weekend). And as a catcher, VSL#3 calls the perfect pitch to make the opposing batter look like a fool. Should a base runner reach safely, he wouldn't think of stealing on VSL#3's cannon arm. VSL#3's big bat is protected in the line-up by the big bat of Chewable Children's Vitamin (currently of the Spongebob variety and therefore called Spongey). Spongey does the obvious with my vitamin levels. Underrated: yes; under-appreciated: no. But it doesn't do anything on the defensive side of the game. So it's a good thing we have the DH.

Gas-X is the stopper, or the X Factor. Should the top of the line-up not do its job, Gas-X puts an end to it. Bad stomach ache: Gas-X. Can't sleep due to cramps: Gas-X. About to eat something not so good: preventative Gas-X. It gets the job done from the plate. But it's the defensive side that really puts it in the All-Star game. Gas-X stops everything hit to the left side. Gas-X is the Omar Vizquel of this team. It is followed by Chromium (called Chromesy). Chromesy is mostly on the team because we needed a second baseman. Chromesy doesn't have any noticeable merits to put it on the team, but without him, he is missed (chromium levels drop like Apollo Creed against the Russian).

Next is Cytra-K (called CK). CK just got called up from the Triple-A club. He's got a big bat and great range in left. His arm needs to gain some strength, but that won't be too noticeable in left. His bat will sit in the lower third of the line-up until he gets used to big-league pitching (or until I'm not so disgusted by its taste and it becomes just another player). Don't be surprised if CK replaces Calcium in the three-hole. Batting last is Glutamine (called Glutes). Glutes gets the job done in the hot-corner at defense, helping my system regulate itself after a couple bad days or a cold, but there isn't a lot of offensive firepower with this player.

Vitamin D (Big D) pitches. He is on a weekly rotation (I take one every Sunday). He gets my vitamin D levels up but beyond that doesn't have much effect. Percocet (Perks) has been optioned to the Triple-A squad finally. Perks was getting the job done, but with CK preventing stones, there isn't much need for him. CK's upside far outweighs the risk associated with Perks (addiction and foggy-headedness). Fiber (called Candy, however ineffective that is) and Viokase (he was never accepted by earning a nickname) are currently on the 15-day DL. I have trouble keeping them in the daily line-up. I'm hoping they will be ready to play by mid-May.

So that is my Medicinal League Baseball line-up. It currently is my best nine. But be aware that it will change soon and then will change again. Probably a third time, too. I hope that was as fun for you as it was for me, even though it was a little silly.

I had a Chem 101 mid-term yesterday. I would call it a confidence booster more than a mid-term. It was thirty multiple choice questions. That's it. Ten times easier than any Chem test I had during my sophomore year chemistry course, which Michelle is currently taking. If you need help Michelle, don't ask me, because this college class is easier than Getz's class. I have my last mid-term tomorrow morning in my Calculus course. It is going to be a killer. This post was my break from studying.

Now it's back to the grind. Wish me luck. -IW

I Have an MBA

Hello all. Yet again, I have become lazy in posting. Yet again, it is due to school. Missing seven days of class takes a lot of previously-had free-time away. I had caught up on all of my homework but still needed (and still need) to catch-up completely on the topics covered. I had a mid-term in my logic-based math course today. I think it went well, although it was difficult and took me the entire class period. Hopefully it turns out well.

I thought I'd make a comment on this post about my latest dietary supplement experiment: probiotics. Heavy duty probiotics, at that. I've been eating Activia yogurt with probiotics for a while now (low sugar, of course). But research has shown that these yogurts don't even have enough bacteria (good bacteria) to do anything against the bad intestinal bacteria. But the probiotics I'm taking have the big bats. They are like the Cleveland Indians line-up while the bad bacteria are like Chien-Ming Wang and a sorry Yankee bullpen. They are Teddy Roosevelt: quiet, but not afraid to get dirty. Everyone remembers his Big-Stick Policy ("Speak softly, and carry a big stick") with regards to foreign policy. They are like Manny Ramirez while the bad bacteria are like every pitcher ever. They are like Omar Vizquel's glove while the bad bacteria are like every ground ball hit to the left side of the infield. You get the picture.

The probiotics I am taking are VSL#3 ("The Living Shield"). Each serving, two capsules, contains 225 billion live lactic acid bacteria which act as my Microscopic Bacterial Army (MBA - I told you I had a MBA, and you didn't believe me. Now how do you feel?) fighting what my Cleveland Clinic doctors have diagnosed as Small Intestine Bacterial Overgrowth (SIBO - Also referred to as Small Bowel Bacterial Overgrowth [SBBO]). I have taken one serving each morning for the past month, and I have noticed a definite decrease in what I like to call "intestinal activity" - the grumblings and rumblings, both felt and heard, within the intestines since having my bowel resection. Less cramping at the end of the day, less class-interrupting stomach noises (re: Seinfeld's "The Voice"). That is not to say that I never feel cramping. I do. But usually I know immediately that I shouldn't have eaten what I recently ate, i.e. a large cookie, a bowl of most likely fatty soup, etc. And I do have stomach noises still. Today's mid-term was incredibly noisy thanks to Jay Junem, Dewy Denim, and Ih Liam (he's Middle-Eastern).

My doctors recommend that I take up to three servings of my MBA each day, increasing upon my one each day. Unfortunately that poses a slight fiscal problem. The bottle that the MBA comes in contains 60 capsules (30 servings). So, at one serving each day, a bottle lasts one month. The problem is that the bottle costs $50. Taking three servings each day means that I would be paying five dollars everyday for these guys. My mother has attempted to get the insurance to cover the cost to no avail.

These pills are definitely making a positive difference for me, though. And I recommend them to other SGers who may be suffering from SIBO. I'm not sure if it would be helpful to SGers without SIBO, but it couldn't hurt to bring it up to your doctors. I know that dealing with short-gut is mostly a guessing game, playing with different prescriptions and supplements in search for the perfect line-up. Like a baseball team, you don't just put your nine best on the field everyday, you have to find your best nine. Meaning you can have nine potential All-Stars on a team (re: New York Yankees) but the best teams have nine guys who sacrifice for the team and play well together (re: Tampa Bay Rays).

This is interesting. Watch out in the near future for a current prescription and supplement baseball-esque line-up. Now I'm excited to put it all together.

In response to Renee's comment on my last post: She wrote about a home-made pizza that she made. I must say, the BBQ style sounds fantastic. I have made home-made pizza as well. Strike that: my mother has made home-made pizza for me. With the ability to control fat content in the pizza, home-made is definitely the way to go. My current favorite is cheese with green peppers and onions, although it isn't the best for the breath. I've also put pepperoni on it. Cutting the pepperoni slices in fourths allows you to cover the whole pizza with just a few slices of pepperoni. For quick and easy pizza, I especially like using Italian buns instead of "pizza crust." Italian bun, covered with a layer of Ragu, some shredded cheese, maybe a little pepperoni (three or four slices would be more than enough), and a few minutes in the oven. It's fantastic.

I know it sounds odd to say, but I'm going to say it anyway: "There has never been a better time in history to have to live with the Short-Gut Diet." There, I said it. The diet, as I've said before, requires low fat and sugar content. Every super market has almost everything you could possibly want in a low fat or low sugar version. Hotdogs, salad dressing, frozen treats. And if there isn't a low fat or low sugar version (like pizza), there are low fat or low sugar ingredients to buy in order to make a home-made version. Pizza, mashed potatoes (Bob Evan's version is fantastic!), you name it. My mother has even made a Short-Gut-friendly version of cheesecake desserts. She's a genius when it comes to creating tasty recipes for her boy.

I think that's it for now. I'm going to do my very best to stop going a week between posts. I enjoy writing on the blog, so I need to make it a priority again, like it was when I first started.

Tribe came through with the comeback 5-2 victory today, improving to a record of just 6-10 though. Starting pitching, though, is looking like it is going to be a big strength on this club through the season. The bats have been dormant the last handful of games, but I still think they will have the best offense in baseball at the end of the season. The bullpen, well, it's not very good so far. Kerry Wood has been deadly to opposing batters, but beyond that, everybody has struggled. Jenson Lewis is coming around again. I say that it should be looking better soon, as long as the starters can continue to go deeper into the ball games. At the beginning of the season the bullpen was being called upon by the fourth or fifth innings. Perhaps their struggles have come because of being so over-worked to start the season. Now, they can start to relax until the seventh or eighth. Look for the Tribe to be third or higher in the central division after the Detroit series during the second weekend in May (Mother's Day).

You heard it here first. -IW

Beautiful Bronx Bomber Beat Down

Hello everybody. My apologies for the delay in blog posts. It has been a busy week for me. On Sunday, the fam and I went to the Tribe game against the Blue Jays. At the time, the Indians were 0-5. But they pulled off the victory in front of about twenty fans in the stadium. That's an exaggeration, but it was Easter Sunday, so the stadium was mostly empty.

The Indians sure are playing well lately, though. They went 1-2 against the Royals, but the offense showed signs of life, and, except for one bad inning from the bullpen, they were within reach of all three games. Then yesterday came: Opening Day at the new Yankee Stadium. The best stadium $1.5 billion can buy (Yes, billion). The epitome of American capitalism and gluttony. A cathedral for the religion of baseball. The home of the nation's winningest sports franchise ever. And what's even better than that? The seats are so expensive, the excessively rowdy New York fans who made the old Yankee Stadium such a hostile environment can no longer afford to attend games. So, teams get to spend three or four days living in the lap of luxury, playing on the national stage in front of a sell-out crowd, and only have the rich elite rooting against them, who, let's face it, are more respectful and orderly than some of the others. It's a win-win.

But yesterday, for the Tribe, was a win-win-win, because they won the game. Not only did they beat the Bronx Bombers, they slaughtered them 10-2. Cliff Lee looked more like the Cy Young Award winner that he is. Even C.C. looked great. The Yank's undoing came after C.C. left the game, and the bullpen took over. When C.C. left, it was 1-1. The next inning, our boys exploded for a 9-run seventh inning, including a grand slam by Grady Sizemore and a solo shot by Victor Martinez. It was glorious.

In between Tribe games, I have been exclusively catching up on seven days of missed class. Somehow, I was able to get completely caught up on homework assignments in just three days. It helps that I could probably pass the Chem 101 final right now with just the knowledge I remember from sophomore-year chemistry. But the other two classes, calculus with analytical geometry III and an introduction to constructing mathematical proofs, are certainly not "fluff" courses. I still have a great deal of studying to do for my calc III course (I got a 4/15 on the quiz yesterday ... not the lowest grade in the class. Not even the second lowest grade in the class. The median was an 8). But with such nice weather scheduled for today and tomorrow, I think I'll push the studying back to Sunday.

My stomach has felt pretty ok the last few days (relatively, of course.), and I haven't had any kidney-like pain since last Friday, so that's good news. With any luck, the stone will stay put until June. But, of course, lady luck has not been on my side for a while.

But I think a few good things ought to be mentioned:

Season Tickets. My Uncle Bill bought season tickets to the Tribe, as I've said before, to be split among the Five Families (name it!). Four seats, fourth row, on the aisle, right-centerfield. The view is absolutely fantastic. We had so much fun on Easter Sunday, I can't wait to go to the next game I will be home for: Monday, May 25, against the defending American League Champions, Tampa Bay Rays. It is "I am IN the Tribe" grill apron give-away day. And Shellster's birthday.

Two words: Aero ... wait for it ... Smith. Coming to Blossom Music Center on Thursday, September 10. Suby and I will be in attendance. Even better: they aren't coming alone. They're bringing ZZ Top along. This will be my third Aerosmith show. It's going to be awesome.

Anyway, I have a few things to look forward to. But of course, I am looking forward to nothing more than Friday, June 12th, the day after my last exam, and, therefore, my first day being home for good. Now that is going to be awesome.

Tribe v. Yankees, Part II starts in twenty minutes, so I think I need to mentally prepare. Later gators. -IW

The Horror, the Horror: At-Home Urethral Stent Removal

O what a week. On Monday, the DIY stent was removed. It's a good thing I didn't try to film my reaction, because it wouldn't have been pleasant for anybody. The removal was indescribably traumatic. I am not going to go into detail. The removal was just as painful as I could have possibly imagined. If you are a male who has ever had a catheter removed, imagine that, a little bit more painful, and lasting 10-12 seconds. Ten seconds does not sound like a very long time, but when you are experiencing unbelievable pain, a moment so insignificant it can be argued whether it even occurred at all becomes never-ending. Again, I am not going to go into detail about what transpired. You don't want to know what happened, and I don't want to relive it.

Of course, the pain did not last just ten seconds. As with most pain that I feel, it lasts longer and hits harder than it ever should. The prescription pain medication that the urologist gave for the pain did absolutely nothing to even put a dent in the pain. So, at 12:30 in the morning, my dad and I hit the open road; our destination: the emergency room. I was in obvious pain, fighting back tears with just-audible whimpers escaping my lips so I was hurried into an e.r. cavern. And pain management, the nurse assured me, was on its way. Then the doctor came to do his check-ups, and he assured me that pain management was on its way. Then a transporter came from radiology to take me back for an X-ray. I refused, saying that I would not be going anywhere until I was no longer in unbearable pain. So my father was able to flag a nurse into my nook, and she assured me pain management was on its way. Notice the pattern? All in all, I waited for over an hour lying on an e.r. bed before I was given any pain medication.

You want to talk about what's wrong with the health care system. It's not that insurance is hard to deal with. It's that hospital care is grossly overpriced and not nearly as efficient as it needs to be. Waiting for over an hour for a quick shot that took a total of 3.5 seconds to push into my I.V. is utterly ridiculous. I told my father, it would have been quicker if I had sent him to get the medicine, and he doesn't even know where they keep it. I can't even imagine how much it will end up costing the insurance. This is the problem though. Insurance wouldn't be so difficult to deal with if everything having anything to do with a hospital costs thousands of dollars. $17,000 for a helicopter ride from Akron to Pittsburgh is unforgivable. $6,000 for a trip to the OSU E.R. where I was given a bed in the hallway, a three-hour I.V., and a paper prescription that I could not fill because the pharmacy was closed is unbelievable. Putting a patient on 24-hour I.V. so that the nurse would have to "deal" with one less patient during her shift at the prestigious Cleveland Clinic has to be a joke. But I digress ...

Now, I am using percocet to manage pain caused by what my parents and I have diagnosed as ureter spasms. My back has felt intense soreness where I usually feel kidney stones ever since the stent was removed. I am still at home. And I am a little upset with my urologist for telling me it would be totally feasible for me to go back to school. While the stent was in, it hurt to sit on our couch, so how would I be expected to walk across campus and sit at a desk in class? I never would have been able to pull the stent out in a dorm bathroom. And I guess I would have had to walk myself over to the OSU E.R. again to deal with the pain, right? This doc drops the ball more than Braylon Edwards. He is batting well below the Mendoza line. He has a lower free-throw percentage than Shaq.

Here is my first ever Public Service Announcement:

Hello, America. How are you? I've been better. Have you ever had a kidney stone or kidney-related problems? If you have, you have probably had at least a consultation with a urologist. If your urologist has ever suggested a stent, please pay attention to the following announcement. The urologist may suggest a urethral stent that sits in the ureter, widening it to allow stones and stone-like debris to pass without pain. It runs from the kidney to the bladder. It sounds great, and it is, trust me. It alleviates a lot of stone-related pain. But it is uncomfortable, and don't let the urologist tell you it isn't.

The urologist may suggest a stent that can be removed at home, by yourself, without the assistance of a doctor, and without the need to come into the doctor's office. This also sounds great, and it would be, if it were the whole story. Here is what the urologist doesn't tell you: The stent is actually ten inches long. Yes, ten inches. The stent is about the same thickness as a drinking straw. It has coils on both ends that are about the same diameter as a nickel. You most likely will not be able to remove it yourself because shifting the fishing line at all causes so much pain that the thought of pulling it out becomes a high mental hurdle to leap. So, do not, I repeat, do NOT, ever have a DIY stent put in place. I'll say it again, never, EVER agree to an at-home stent removal. The doctor will act as if it is an everyday, no-big-deal thing, because, frankly, they deal with it so often, it is no longer a big deal to them. But to you, it is a big deal. About ten inches of deal, in fact. It is painful, it will hurt the entire time it is in and well after it is out, and you will not be able to go about your daily routine while you are dealing with it.

I am doing everything I can to save someone else out there who may be researching at-home stent removals. It is not worth the trouble. Have a regular stent put in and have a doctor remove it. And insist that you will not cooperate unless the doctor knocks you out. This is my plan of action come my June B.R.O. (see: Friday, April 3: "In a Word: Oww")

NEVER HAVE A REMOVE-IT-YOURSELF STENT, EVER

That's what I have been dealing with during Major League Baseball's Opening Series. Unfortunately, my tribesmen were swept by the Texas Rangers in three games. As many in the Indians' fan base feared, the starting pitching did us in. Carl Pavano gave up nine runs today in just over one full inning. Over three games the Rangers averaged 9.7 runs per game. I don't care who you are, you not going to win many games if you give up nearly 10 runs every outing. And Omar just didn't look right today with that "T" on his hat. Hopefully they can turn it around once they get back to beautiful Northeast Ohio. The Jake will open its doors for the first time this season tomorrow. And on Sunday, the fam and I will be in attendance (thanks, Uncle Bill).

Go Tribe. -IW

In a Word: Oww

So I'm home again. After just three days of classes, I had to come home for a Thursday morning kidney stone removal surgery, or as I'm calling it, a Blockage Removal Operation (B.R.O.)

I woke up Thursday morning, writhing in pain and audibly groaning. Apparently, this monster couldn't wait a few more hours and decided to force its way out of my kidney on its own. My surgery wasn't scheduled until 11:30, but my mother and I went in a little early, in search of effective pain management. Marcia, my nurse, quickly took me back and hooked up my I.V. Marcia was a lifesaver on Thursday. She even gave me a quick pinch of lydicane (sp?) in my forearm so that the I.V. wouldn't hurt so much.

After waiting there for only about two hours, it was time for the surgery, and I was taken back to the operating room. There isn't a lot that I remember specifically from yesterday. Most of it is vague and foggy. I woke up from the surgery in pain that was just as bad, if not worse, than the pain I had when I went in, which didn't make a lot of sense to me. As it turns out, the dye that the doctor shot up to confirm the location of the stone actually pushed the stone back up into my kidney, making removal impossible. So the scope was pulled out and the surgery was brought to an unsuccessful halt. The stone, by the way, is roughly an inch in diameter.

Apparently, though, his scope clipped my ureter and a blood clot formed and blocked my kidney, effectively becoming a stone. But as I said, the pain didn't make sense without knowledge of the clot. So the nursing staff had to run a series of tests which took about an hour to come to the conclusion that something was indeed blocking my kidney. The same conclusion that my mother and I reached within seconds of my waking up in pain. It is getting old having to prove to doctors that we know what we're talking about.

So I went back into surgery. When I came to, I was told that the blockage was removed, and a stent was put in place. The do-it-yourself stent. Yes, that is the part of the planned surgery that went according to plan. It was put in place to prevent the stone from trying to pass again and to aid any debris in its attempt to pass.

I went in to have a stone removed and a DIY stent put in place. The stone was not removed, but the stent was still put in place. It is set for removal on Wednesday, unless it is bothering me too much, in which case it will be removed on Tuesday. Yes, I have to remove it myself. I still don't believe it. And I don't quite understand what they were thinking when they cut the line. There is, obviously, a piece of string attached to the stent leading out for me to grasp and pull. When I imagined this, I cringed, and I imagined the line to be about a foot long so that I had plenty of slack, could get a good grip, and could tape it to my thigh to avoid it being tugged on throughout the day, because they told me it would be taped to my thigh.

The doctor, however, had a different idea and decided a four inch line would do the trick. When I woke up, it was taped pretty high up on my thigh as well, providing me with some much-needed (cough) tugging with every move I made. Even with a new tape-job, relief was hard to find. Now I'm trying the no-tape route because tugging is not what I need.

I know what you're thinking: What about that monster stone in your kidney? Well, I'm glad you asked. It has to wait until June because it is not a surgery that I will be able to squeeze into a long weekend and be ready for Monday morning calculus. I will be admitted to the hospital, they will put a tube into my kidney through my back, leave it be for a day (I still don't know why), and then they will go in after it. This will add half an inch to my scar total, which I was kind of hoping would be complete after the second nick on my left upper arm from my second PICC line.

So, yea ... not exactly what I was hoping for when the surgery was scheduled last weekend. So there it is. Suck it up through the pain and burning that comes with each urination until Tuesday or Wednesday, and then bite the bullet and pull. Perhaps there will be a video of the removal (Don't worry, nothing below the neck). It will be PG-13 at the very worst.

Until next time ... -IW