The Horror, the Horror: At-Home Urethral Stent Removal

O what a week. On Monday, the DIY stent was removed. It's a good thing I didn't try to film my reaction, because it wouldn't have been pleasant for anybody. The removal was indescribably traumatic. I am not going to go into detail. The removal was just as painful as I could have possibly imagined. If you are a male who has ever had a catheter removed, imagine that, a little bit more painful, and lasting 10-12 seconds. Ten seconds does not sound like a very long time, but when you are experiencing unbelievable pain, a moment so insignificant it can be argued whether it even occurred at all becomes never-ending. Again, I am not going to go into detail about what transpired. You don't want to know what happened, and I don't want to relive it.

Of course, the pain did not last just ten seconds. As with most pain that I feel, it lasts longer and hits harder than it ever should. The prescription pain medication that the urologist gave for the pain did absolutely nothing to even put a dent in the pain. So, at 12:30 in the morning, my dad and I hit the open road; our destination: the emergency room. I was in obvious pain, fighting back tears with just-audible whimpers escaping my lips so I was hurried into an e.r. cavern. And pain management, the nurse assured me, was on its way. Then the doctor came to do his check-ups, and he assured me that pain management was on its way. Then a transporter came from radiology to take me back for an X-ray. I refused, saying that I would not be going anywhere until I was no longer in unbearable pain. So my father was able to flag a nurse into my nook, and she assured me pain management was on its way. Notice the pattern? All in all, I waited for over an hour lying on an e.r. bed before I was given any pain medication.

You want to talk about what's wrong with the health care system. It's not that insurance is hard to deal with. It's that hospital care is grossly overpriced and not nearly as efficient as it needs to be. Waiting for over an hour for a quick shot that took a total of 3.5 seconds to push into my I.V. is utterly ridiculous. I told my father, it would have been quicker if I had sent him to get the medicine, and he doesn't even know where they keep it. I can't even imagine how much it will end up costing the insurance. This is the problem though. Insurance wouldn't be so difficult to deal with if everything having anything to do with a hospital costs thousands of dollars. $17,000 for a helicopter ride from Akron to Pittsburgh is unforgivable. $6,000 for a trip to the OSU E.R. where I was given a bed in the hallway, a three-hour I.V., and a paper prescription that I could not fill because the pharmacy was closed is unbelievable. Putting a patient on 24-hour I.V. so that the nurse would have to "deal" with one less patient during her shift at the prestigious Cleveland Clinic has to be a joke. But I digress ...

Now, I am using percocet to manage pain caused by what my parents and I have diagnosed as ureter spasms. My back has felt intense soreness where I usually feel kidney stones ever since the stent was removed. I am still at home. And I am a little upset with my urologist for telling me it would be totally feasible for me to go back to school. While the stent was in, it hurt to sit on our couch, so how would I be expected to walk across campus and sit at a desk in class? I never would have been able to pull the stent out in a dorm bathroom. And I guess I would have had to walk myself over to the OSU E.R. again to deal with the pain, right? This doc drops the ball more than Braylon Edwards. He is batting well below the Mendoza line. He has a lower free-throw percentage than Shaq.

Here is my first ever Public Service Announcement:

Hello, America. How are you? I've been better. Have you ever had a kidney stone or kidney-related problems? If you have, you have probably had at least a consultation with a urologist. If your urologist has ever suggested a stent, please pay attention to the following announcement. The urologist may suggest a urethral stent that sits in the ureter, widening it to allow stones and stone-like debris to pass without pain. It runs from the kidney to the bladder. It sounds great, and it is, trust me. It alleviates a lot of stone-related pain. But it is uncomfortable, and don't let the urologist tell you it isn't.

The urologist may suggest a stent that can be removed at home, by yourself, without the assistance of a doctor, and without the need to come into the doctor's office. This also sounds great, and it would be, if it were the whole story. Here is what the urologist doesn't tell you: The stent is actually ten inches long. Yes, ten inches. The stent is about the same thickness as a drinking straw. It has coils on both ends that are about the same diameter as a nickel. You most likely will not be able to remove it yourself because shifting the fishing line at all causes so much pain that the thought of pulling it out becomes a high mental hurdle to leap. So, do not, I repeat, do NOT, ever have a DIY stent put in place. I'll say it again, never, EVER agree to an at-home stent removal. The doctor will act as if it is an everyday, no-big-deal thing, because, frankly, they deal with it so often, it is no longer a big deal to them. But to you, it is a big deal. About ten inches of deal, in fact. It is painful, it will hurt the entire time it is in and well after it is out, and you will not be able to go about your daily routine while you are dealing with it.

I am doing everything I can to save someone else out there who may be researching at-home stent removals. It is not worth the trouble. Have a regular stent put in and have a doctor remove it. And insist that you will not cooperate unless the doctor knocks you out. This is my plan of action come my June B.R.O. (see: Friday, April 3: "In a Word: Oww")

NEVER HAVE A REMOVE-IT-YOURSELF STENT, EVER

That's what I have been dealing with during Major League Baseball's Opening Series. Unfortunately, my tribesmen were swept by the Texas Rangers in three games. As many in the Indians' fan base feared, the starting pitching did us in. Carl Pavano gave up nine runs today in just over one full inning. Over three games the Rangers averaged 9.7 runs per game. I don't care who you are, you not going to win many games if you give up nearly 10 runs every outing. And Omar just didn't look right today with that "T" on his hat. Hopefully they can turn it around once they get back to beautiful Northeast Ohio. The Jake will open its doors for the first time this season tomorrow. And on Sunday, the fam and I will be in attendance (thanks, Uncle Bill).

Go Tribe. -IW