P.A.S.T.A.

So it has come to my attention that my last post may have rubbed some people the wrong way. I suppose I was attempting a Colbert-esque rant which may not have come across as I intended. My apologies. ... Now for today's post. So I have been feeling much better this past week. Before my last visit home, for a long time, every night I had become bloated and sick feeling. And I do mean every night. It was terrible. If I lifted my shirt to look at my abdomen, I would see lumps where I was feeling the most bloated, and I would be able to see said lumps move about underneath my skin until I made my nightly trip to the men's room. I tried in vain to find the cause but eventually just accepted it as the way things were: yet another vice associated with Short-Gut Syndrome. Recently, though, my mother, who does an unbelievable amount of research for me in her spare time, read that pastas and other heavy carbs can cause bloating in Short-Gut patients. Now, through my entire first quarter and the beginning of my second quarter, I went to a campus diner called Market Place to get a pasta dish for dinner. This was because I felt I needed as many calories as possible, and I knew that pasta was rich in calories and low in fat. But due to my mother's recent research, I decided to give up pasta and see if that didn't help me. It did help. It turns out pasta is an anagram that stands for Please Avoid So That you feel Awesome. Since I have removed pasta from my daily menu, the nightly cramps and bloating has subsided. So too has the daily gurgling and "increased intestinal activity" (IIA - trademark) during the day. Thanks Ma, for finding this information, because I have been feeling so much better. Every day is so much better now that I don't feel awful every night. It is glorious. ... There was a new House episode tonight. I don't want to ruin it for any "Internet Housers" (trademark), but let's just say that God won tonight. I'm glad God won. ... A kid down the hall came in to say hey just now. He told me I need to start making an effort to get food with them sometime. I wonder if he realizes that I have gotten food with him and his friends a few times before. The only time they acknowledged my presence was when they were making fun of me for being thin, pale, or always sitting in my room and when they told me to watch their stuff while they went back in to buy more food without waiting for my consent. Don't worry, I didn't watch their stuff. I left and walked home alone. When they got back they proceeded to mock me for leaving. With friends like that who needs enemies, right? ... Well, I think that's enough for my rant today. O wait, NBA All-Star festivities. Hmm ... maybe I'll leave that for my next post. Later Gators. -IW